faz-in-a-box's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- studying stress stress stress stress stress! exams in a week and i'm hardly prepared. instead have been frolicking around at people's houses :-p seriously, its time to superglue my ass to my chair and inject coffee into my veins so i can study! in other news, i've realised something and its a strange feeling for me, mostly coz i never knew i was capable of it: the chat was RS was an interesting one and while things did not turn out like peaches and roses as if life were some romantic comedy, instead, i was still happy with the way things turned out. i just want him to be happy and am willing to do anything for that, including letting go enough for him to do his own thing and come to terms with himself. i care about him far too much to lose him from my life. i genuinely like the guy, over and above any romantic inklings i may have had, and no matter what he does, the feeling is unconditional. i just want him to be happy in life, whatever he may end up choosing to do :) for now, i'm gonna be stuck with only my books for company. wish me luck folks! 3:22 p.m. - April 17, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- faz = ass sigh... why do i keep doing this to myself? 12:49 a.m. - April 16, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meet the Parents, part duex not only have i gone from not seeing him to practically hanging out 24/7 with him in the past two days, i've already met his family. hee, if that wasn't bad enough, yesterday we were hanging out and i mentioned that i was going take my sis to see a film in the late afternoon and invited him along. then i called home to confirm the details with my sis, only mom answered and asked if she could come too. "Sure!" i said, probably sounding a little too cheerful. i broke the news to RS next and despite the initial panic, he took it in his stride. i knew questions would fly if things didn't go properly but before i knew it, mom was asking if he wanted to join us for some hindi karaoke session that night and whether he liked roti for dinner (which she'd insisted he come home for). it was weird having the boy in my room, suddenly i was acting all girly again, asking if i could get him something to drink, making sure he was entertained while i had to use the bathroom. i had to reapply my make up and all that other self-conscious stuff while he lounged on the bed, deciding that he was going to adopt Mr. Lobster. dinner was after that and he confessed later that he had made an effort to be charming (which my mom really appreciated, as she told me the next morning what a sweet boy she thought he was) and then the three of us headed to the ceylon sports club where the karaoke night was going on. only when we got there, it wasn't nearly as happening as it sounded when we were enticed into going and it so happened that RS knew N,the daughter of one of the other aunties who was there, from his JC days so the three of us decided to ditch the folks and head off to new asia bar. the night didn't last all that long, we just had a couple of drinks and danced when good songs came on, and eventually tired of the scene around 2am so we decided to call it a night. 5:16 p.m. - April 15, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Meet the Sabherwals... i had an amusing day to say the least. it started on too little sleep (as seems to be quite a trend these days for me) when i was woken up by a text from my dear friend RS, undecided once more about when he was going to see me. in all honesty, the messages irked me slightly, as it was a topic of conversation that had been tossed back and forth ad nauseum for the past week. i tried to be understanding for all of two minutes but goddammit, i missed the dude! i hadn't seen him in over a month and he'd been sitting on his ass in singapore for a week already. it was about bloody time! so five text messages and two phone calls later, the words "hey, wanna just come over?" finally came out and i told him i'd be there in an hour. unfortunately, it started rainning buckets at that point and not only was i soaked up to my knees, i had to wait nearly an hour for a friggin' taxi and when one finally arrived, the dude missed the turning and ended up half-way across the island before doubling back. thankfully, the driver was actually a decent guy and charged me 2/3 of the metered fare without my even having to ask for it. drenched, but finally there, i wandered into the estate, knowing that i must have looked like something the cat dragged in. quickly i turned to the closest car window to make at least something of my battered hair when i heard this cough behind me. and thats how the dude found me, desperately trying to smoothen out my hair in the wind shield of someone's rover. we chilled out at his for the rest of the afternoon, just chatting and hanging out and as we were having our late lunch, his dad came home. eyes flickered back and forth and eyebrows raised, i knew i had to act quickly. the window for first impressions is excruciatingly small. so off i went, smiling and yapping, asking if he'd had lunch and how it was, promising to recommend that restaurant to my parents too. RS had an amused expression on his face the whole time and later admitted that he was actually kinda impressed at how well i'd handled it. all part of the charm, i said with a knowing grin but was secretly thrilled to hear it, as if i'd passed a test or something :) went back to his room and watched Friends, tho i kept sitting up with a start everytime i heard his father's voice outside the door! last thing i needed was for him to walk in and catch me lying on his son's bed! but it was all fine. it was his mum's birthday today as well and round two of the parental test was when mum came home. again, i was back in my element, smiling, being chatty, complimenting her lovely home. she invited me to her birthday get-together and i eventually accepted. at the party, people seemed to assume we were together and after awhile, it was just fun playing along, especially after one of the aunties kept asking me how australia was even though i'd told her twice i was from here. finally i was just like 'oh yea, brisbane's really nice actually', much to RS's amusement. she made a comment about how he should consider modelling and i joked about how we shouldn't be saying this to him. for some reason she turned and looked at me and was like 'why, you don't want other women looking at him huh?' and i was like 'no! its more about his ego being inflated!' seriously woman.... by 11.30 though, i was knackered and RS was exhausted too, having not slept the night before either. the party packed up and i went to thank his folks for their hospitality. they jumped up to offer me a lift home which was incredibly nice of them, especially as it was really late. his mum walked me to the door and told me i was welcome back anytime and that she hoped to see me again, lol. all in all, i think it was a pretty interesting day. i swear, charming up parents is a skill and i thank God for having been blessed with it. and for all the banter and arguments we've had this week, it was worth finally seeing RS again after so long. 12:01 a.m. - April 14, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- :D we made up! :D :D :D :D :D :D i was just sitting there, wondering to myself if i'd sound desperate if i just called him to ask about his sister, telling myself that it probably wasn't a good idea when all of a sudden, my phone was buzzing in my pocket. i pulled it out and it was him!! "hey you," he said. "hi," i replied, trying to sound as nonchalant and yet pleasantly surprised as possible. and so we chatted for the next 40 mins. i went to sit outside since the weather was nice and cool and with gizmo cuddled up on my lap, we talked about the fight we had days ago, confessing how hurt we were by what had been said, apologising for the harsh words and just generally yapping away. and i honestly believed he hated me after what happened. 2:48 p.m. - April 08, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- last couple of days lol, i feel like i've been through a break up :-p suddenly everything reminds me of him... the caterers at my parents' anniversary were from the same restuarant where he took me for my birthday dinner; today we went to see the phantom of the opera and we passed by that spot on marina bay where we were sat till 6 in the morning that night. and thats not all, so many minor details just pop into my head, making it hard to forget it ever happened. oh well... i'm sure these things take time and all that. righto, firstly, parents had their anniversary on thursday and it was actually pretty good :D things went off without a hitch and i think people had a good time. it was awesome to see Re and Jan there and i hope they had a good time :) pictures are on facebook! last night i hung out with Sa who i haven't seen in ages and the girly night out was just what i needed to take my mind of things. we got dressed up and went out dancing and ended up at mcdonald's at 3 in the morning to scarf down our burgers and fries. haven't been to mcdonalds in eons and it was just the perfect end to our girlie night out. today aalya, farhan and i went to see the phantom of the opera which is currently in town and the show was amazing! the sets and costumes were so vibrant and extravagant but the show was so well produced. aalya and i already knew all the songs by heart so we really had a ball :D happy easter to everyone reading! 6:24 p.m. - April 07, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- over well any hope i had of repairing our little friendship was just well and truly smashed. this is what happens when i open up to people huh. remind me next time so i don't have to go through the pain again. 2:31 a.m. - April 06, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- spiralling out of control i'm not a crier, generally, which is why i don't blame A for being surprised when i called her in tears yesterday. you can only imagine how upset i was by the whole thing. the worst part is that it started over something so stupid, as most of these things do and only progressively got worse before i could stop it. i was just sitting there, staring at the screen with my jaw hanging, both out of shock and bubbling anger. i couldn't believe some of the things that were being said and started saying things i couldn't believe i said. it turned into a mess and it hurt. it hurt so much, i didn't know what else to do. everytime i tried to apologise, i got a sarcastic reply which in turn made me snap back. everytime he said sorry, i retorted, because it didn't sound real to me either. how can two people be so explosive around each other and yet care so much for the other? how did things get to the point that they did? it feels like just when things were getting good, everything just came crashing down to an abrupt stop. i'm just so sorry. i'm sorry things had to end like this. i'm sorry for being cynical but last night proved i was right anyways. he turned out to be like every other person who promised not to let me down. i was stupid to let my walls down. i won't make that mistake again. i'm sorry i have issues with trust. i realised that it had come out wrong when i said i didn't trust him. the truth was i didn't trust myself enough to get that close, it had nothing to do with him. but oh well. whats it matter now anyways? i doubt our fledgling friendship survived the destruction of last night. to the dude: i'm just sorry. i know it might not mean much to you but i am. on a side note... its my parents 25th wedding anniversary today and i woke up to the sounds of them in yet another screaming match. oh joy. and you wonder why i'm cynical. song of the day: I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance 1:37 p.m. - April 05, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- before i get any deeper i know i'm an argumentative person by nature. i know i'm impatient. i know that i'm quick to rebutt, even if maybe sometimes its not necessary. but you know that too. and you know that i don't argue with malicious intent; half the time its just out of habit and with more than a little teasing. i'm not one to just sit quietly and accept things being said to me. i question things, i reply with more questions. i don't mean to be offensive but perhaps i should learn to be more tactful. i thought we'd reached a place where we could say anything to each other. i told you how i felt not thinking it'd turn into a big deal. i guess i thought wrong. so perhaps you're right. maybe we should take a step back from each other before the vulnerability gets even greater. i'm too argumentative and you're sensitive, we're clearly no good for each other. sorry for wasting your time. 5:57 p.m. - April 03, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Congrats to Kris and Tanya i was on my way home from meeting the beer seller when i got a frantic phonecall from R. "Faz, is it true?? Is Teowlet getting married?" she demanded. "What?" I was confused. "I don't know what you're talking about." "I wasn't sure but people have been writing congrats messages on Kris' facebook wall. I wanted to check with you if its true. Did he pop the question?" "oh my god!" I squealled, earning strange looks from the other passengers on the bus. Then, lowering my voice, I continued. "Are u serious?? This is the first I've heard of it! Okay, I'm on it. Will find out and let u know tonight!" I rushed home after that and got on the phone to Hong Kong. Teowlet's brother answered, telling me they'd just left so i demanded he confirm the story. And he did. My best friend is engaged. Its so scary and yet completely wonderful at the same time! I was so excited to hear it, I immediately called R back to let her know it was indeed true and we both had a nice squeally moment. but seriously folks. we all knew it was gonna happen :p i'm glad it did though. i can only wish to be like that some day :) to the teowlet, if you're reading this: i love you darling and i'm so happy for you. i wish you and kris all the happiness and joy in the world. may God bless u guys forever and may you have a wonderful long life ahead with each other. 5:37 p.m. - April 01, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- coffee with the beer seller i met the beer seller today for coffee and a movie. i didn't think he'd remember to call me but was impressed when he did. and u know, i actually had a good time :) the conversation flowed easily and he's a genuinely fun dude to hang out with. hopefully we'll be seeing more of him. i dunno about whether it'll progress in that way or not coz he didn't seem all that into me today but i definitely like to hope i made a new friend. 1:27 a.m. - April 01, 2007 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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