faz-in-a-box's Diaryland Diary

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a really random post (that turned into one reminicising past loves)

i haven't blogged in a few days and i actually missed writing about the randomousities of my life and so, here is a totally random post:

i just found out a couple of days ago that one of my ex-es got married. now, normally, i'd be all whoop-di-do good for you, but i dunno why, this one just struck me as out of the blue. and to be fair, its no shocker, really. he married his ex-fiance (well, she was the ex when we were dating but i guess she's now the current wife) which was interesting to me... i remember suspecting at the time that something wasn't quite right when he told me he'd broken up with his gf of 4 years merely 3 months before asking me out. and perhaps he was just trying to get back out there and quit moping but it did make me think i was the rebound girl. nevertheless, i wasn't too keen on commitment and the whole business with him did end when things got complicated with the dude.

still, in a way, i feel like there wasn't any closure to it all, especially when we met up after we broke up and things were so awkward. its funny to think that this was all less than a year ago. and now he's married.

damn.

lol, and as if that wasn't bad/random enough, i miss the dude. i know i said i was getting over this and to a large extent i really have but its in those quiet moments when i'm by myself, or when i'm really upset, or even really happy, i think of him and want to share things with him but know i can't. i wonder what he's up to and wonder what things would have been like if i had stayed in england afterall. i remember the moments we had when we thought that no one was looking and the moments that made people wonder if there was something else going on between us. R made a comment yesterday about how even her bf had noticed the chemistry between us and questioned whether there was something more behind it.

anyways, like i said, i am pretty much over it. but i do sometimes wonder if i'll ever find that again with someone else. i like to believe i will but who knows. lol, i guess only God does.

and on that note, we conclude our random blog post while i go and listen to some sappy love songs and look at old photos :p

4:38 p.m. - January 31, 2007

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NUS Bhangra Night

tonight i went to the NUS Bhangra night held at Gotham Penthouse and you know what, i actually really enjoyed it :) i even requested a song and everything! i know, i is sad.

the place was packed with all sorts of people who mostly had one thing in common: they were all indian. the music was varied though. obviously, it was mostly indian, the dj did infuse some R and B and salsa in there too and all in all, the music was pretty excellent. i even got pulled up onto the stage at one point just to dance :)

i met some cool folks too like N, a chinese dude who knew how to bhangra and bet us he could get everyone on stage dancing in a circle with him. and he actually managed it!

the other thing that was fun was the live entertainment which we arrived just in time for: 5 HOT men from south africa who could seriously bust a move. i swear, all the girls in the crowd were smitten and there were many jealous boyfriend's trying to pry their girlfriend's eyes away from those chiselled torsos (which, incidentally, we all got a glimpse of as the boys pulled of their shirts on one of the routines and later even revealed the thongs they were wearing! lol, so scandelous but so entertaining all the same :D) and the dancing was actually really good so it wasn't like we were only ogling them.

so yeah, i was really glad i went :D i didn't actually stay for very long but the song that i requested was played so i left happy :)definitely will be up for doing this again next year!

7:57 p.m. - January 27, 2007

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Body Combat rocks my world

well, things weren't as bad this morning as i'd expected. obviously my dad got called in and he gave us all a talking to and other than the usual 'don't be rude to your mother', at least i wasn't treated like a psychopath. its good to know at least someone tries to understand.

its cold war now, and lol, frankly, i still don't care.

but i have discovered the ultimate therapy. yes, yes, i know its been around for centuries and people have been saying it since time immemorial but serious guys, exercising is wicked when your pissed off. and as if that wasn't good enough, body combat has to be a gift from God. all the rage i was feeling, i pelted it right out with every roundhouse kick and uppercut. and this class was so pumped, half of them there were guys and with every punch/kick/block there was a resounding "HYAH!!!" just being able to scream and punch the air, it was soooo good. the best workout i've had all week :D

i feel so calm now :)

8:04 a.m. - January 27, 2007

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Untitled

it has been an odd night. firstly, i got into a fight with my mother. while thats no big surprise really, i realise more and more just how little respect i have for her and you know what, i'm not even sorry about it. i know it must sound awful, she is the woman who birthed me after all and maybe its just coz i'm upset or whatever but i'm sure this feeling isn't new. i remember thinking it some months ago. i'm sure she tried her hardest, but you know what, it didn't work out... i mean, what kind of nine-year-old used to look forward to whenever her mother was out just so she could have some peace? my favourite part of being in england was that she couldn't tell me what to do. and my absolute greatest fear in life is turning out just like her.

i can't help it, its just how i feel.

anyways, the gist of it all is that i made some comments to my brother and my mother, who was listening outside the door, burst in and got mad and said some stuff about how i was manipulative and cunning and the told me to get out of the house. so i did.

lol, i know, i just changed my clothes, grabbed some overnight stuff and my laptop, threw it into a bag and walked out of the house. i was on autopilot and in retrospect, it probably made me look even more immature than she was but i just didn't care. i was the 22 year old after all. i'd had enough of being the one sitting at home while she was running out of the house. i just couldn't stand the sight of her anymore. while she was yelling at me all i was thinking in my head was, right she wants me out... where can i go? A was in england and i hardly spoke to R anymore it wouldn't be right just crashing at hers. S was out of town and J was family so that would still get back to her. eventually i figured i'd just wing it. i walked out.

my brother, bless him, has unfortunately been caught in the crossfire. he came after me and we ended up just going to the mcdonalds near our house for a drink. my mother called a bunch of times, telling me to behave myself and i've probably made any chances i had left worse by ignoring the calls. lol, but you know, i still don't care. i'm not even afraid. maybe i'm still high on adrenaline but i just think, if she wants me out, great! i'm happy to move. and if she just wants to hate me forever than so be it.

see, thats the worst part. i've become indifferent. i do love her obviously and i don't actually hate her but i just don't care anymore what she wants to throw at me.

anyways, that was how it started. we went to mcdonalds and J's bro S came to pick us up and just as we got into the car, he got a call from his friend who'd just been in a car accident. his car was totalled but the cyclist that he hit was in an ambulance. we made our way down there as soon as we could and there were police all over the place and in the middle of it all was the dude. he was shaking and bleeding and it was almost surreal. we were there for almost an hour while we tried to figure out what the hell happened and come up with a coherent story that would get the guy into the least amount of trouble possible. he was so worried about the cyclist, it didn't help that it was an old man. he knew he was looking at a driving suspension but until we heard of the old man's condition ,who knew what else he could have been held liable for.

the good news is, the old guy survived with only a broken leg and some minor cuts. and as i type this, i'm lying in my bed. S drove us back after the commotion had died down and i managed to get into the house without any altercations.

i know there will be hell to pay tomorrow. and to be fair, i probably do deserve some of it. but i feel so much lighter now that its out in the open. hopefully, tomorrow i'll be rational enough to get through this reasonably. i know i need to face the music.

tonights events did make me think though... supposing i had been in an accident after the fight, would things have worked out different? supposing there was an accident and one of us had died, would there have been things we'd wish we'd said? i like to think it would have been one of those kodak moments where i came running home to apologise for my ill-behaviour and beg forgiveness but let's be honest, we all know that is not going to happen. if things simmer down today, they'll still stir up again a month from now. i guess it's just best to get it out in the open once and for all rather than living under the pretense of normalcy.

8:03 a.m. - January 27, 2007

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Car Dreaming

its less than two weeks from my driving test and i'm still not perfect :S well, obviously, but i'm still making silly mistakes. i really REALLY want to pass it already coz i'm so sick of taking the bus around and as if it wasn't cool enough just having a licence, there has been talk of me and a car. if that isn't incentive enough, i dunno what is...

lol, still a girl can still ogle and at the moment, i've narrowed my choices down to these three as my potential first car:

Honda Jazz

Mazda 2 sp

and finally, my favourite, Peugeot 206

3:54 a.m. - January 23, 2007

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Babel and Attica

pick up lines NOT to try:

1) (pointing to your top) this thing is going to burn off any second because you're so hot.

2) haven't i seen you in one of those indian films?

3) you know, i'm actually in sales and i would love to buy your smile. (i mean, seriously?!?)

so last night i went out with a totally random bunch of folks to catch a midnight movie then hit a club. i'm always up for meeting new people and particularly after all my other friends cancelled on me one by one, i was eager to find new people who wouldn't just ditch me last minute like that. i ended up going out with M, this chick i met at an iranian lunch my mom dragged me along to some months ago.

we went to see babel and you know, brad pitt aside, i wasn't too keen on the movie. it was so artsy fartsy and i didn't quite see the connection in one of the plot threads to the rest of the threads and frankly, the movie left me feeling depressed. it was like the moral was 'shit happens, tough'. not to mention it was a slow 2 and a half hour slog just to get through the darn thing and half of it required reading subtitles.

blah, after that we all decided we needed a drink to digest that film so we headed off attica to boogey. in true faz-stylee, i danced like no one was watching and scored some free drinks and some rather cringe-worthy pick up lines. i mean, seriously guys, i know you're trying to be original but the cheesiness!!! we're girls of the new millenium. how about just being yourself?

10:41 a.m. - January 21, 2007

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just testing a new layout

just testing to see if this post works with the new layout.

booo.....

1:01 p.m. - January 20, 2007

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must stop shopping

i must stop buying shoes. really, i must. not only has my bank balance dwindled to an unhealthy low, i simply do not have enough room to store them all.

in other news, i had a whirlwind trip to hong kong this week where my dad and i flew there for a day and came back. it was officially a business trip but how can you go to hong kong and not shop? i picked up a super cute coach bag. i dunno, it was just calling out to me. it was wedged between a bunch of other bags and by the time i saw it i was already getting quite bored by the shopping (gasp, i know! me? bored of shopping?! never!) as the variety got quite same-y but then i saw this bag and it was diffrent from anything else i owned and even the colours weren't something i'd normally pick but there was just something about that bag that i fell in love with. and its such a great size that i can carry it around anywhere and because its got a few colours on it, it goes with most of my day-to-day clothes. so yeah, maybe i didn't shop as much as i did last time but i did find one bag that was absolutely gorgeous and i really really liked rather than a bunch of so-so bags.

lol, and yes, the business was accomplished too.

10:55 a.m. - January 20, 2007

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